Monday, October 30, 2006

Every parent knows the pediatrician’s office is a cesspool of roiling germs, but if you follow these simple tips, you may leave the doctor’s office with only the bugs you came with.

* STEP 1: As you enter the medical building or office, remind your offspring firmly to “Touch nothing!” If bribery works for your child, this is a good time to use it.
* STEP 2: Take your child to sit on your lap in a chair, but do not touch the arms of the chair or allow your child to do so. With small children, tell them “Hot!” to discourage touching.
* STEP 3: Remove from your large purse or satchel the snacks, books and drawing materials you placed there in advance of the appointment.
* STEP 4: Pay absolute attention to your child; do not let your mind wander, or he might!
* STEP 5: Maintain this position until the nurse calls you into the examination room, using force if necessary.
* STEP 6: Sit in the exam room chair, with your child on your lap, hands restrained, until the physician or nurse enters the room, then lift and place child directly onto exam table.
* STEP 7: Release your child during medical examination, and hope the pediatrician is a good hand washer.
* STEP 8: When doctor leaves, promptly take child by the hand, move swiftly through the open doorway, sprint down the hall and out the door, before child can touch tempting toys, aquariums or play areas. Make it fun by calling it a race.
* STEP 9: Once outside, pull sanitizing wipes from satchel or handbag and wipe your hands, wipe your child’s hands, wipe any part of you that touched the floor or chairs, just in case.

An Excerpt from: